If I Were President

Found at Kenny's reprinted with permission.

I’m sure that you will receive a whole lot of idealistic papers sure to resolve all sorts of controversial governmental topics and the cure to our societal ills. I had thought along those same lines also. Then I read several articles how far the U.S. Has fallen in terms of freedom compared to other countries coupled with videos documenting the idiocy of the American public, who cannot grasp why they are celebrating Independence Day. Some commenters have remarked the often repeated the phrase “Our Forefathers would be shooting by now.” To which I have only one reply. “Our Forefathers would be done shooting by now.” If I were President, I’m not going to solve the ills that plague this country, I’m going to see them through to their logical conclusion.

“Every nation has the Government it deserves.”
-Joseph de Maistre
1753-1821

If I were President.

    I won the election last year, though truth be told it was never in question. After months of economic calamity after calamity, followed by the Great Crash during the summer of 2016, and the ensuing media ginned racial, sexual identity, and class riots; my slogans of Forward! Fairness! Equality! Unity! and Prosperity! have resounded with the dumbed-down American public. They had previously embraced Hope and Change so it was no great leap to get them to accept these overtly totalitarian banners. The press had been on my side all along, throwing me soft ball questions and fawning over my every move no matter how inane. I’m a person of the people. Sure, I started out as a white male, but my personal identity has evolved. Hillary Clinton was pushed out of the race when I came out as a bi-sexual black woman. Don’t laugh. That’s racist, bigoted, and infringes on my right to not be offended. You will be prosecuted and sent to a facility where you will atone and learn of the error of your ways. More to the point though, at that time just before the general election my personal approval polls skyrocketed. It was time for America to have such a diverse President. It’s my turn. The clincher though was my personal relationship with a certain globalist billionaire who has a penchant for collapsing currencies. He owns several shell corporations that own the newly mandated and easily hackable electronic voting machines. Those same corporations also tabulate the votes, which are then turned over to the FEC. They accepted the results without question. Rest assured, my friend and controller is going to amass an even greater fortune and power as a rightful return on investment. Hang on tight America, you’re in for a wild ride, I have a personally appointed Czar for every conceivable political position and bureaucratic station. They have had their pens and phones used to the point of absurdity.

    Thanks to generations of unfettered access to generous public welfare programs which have, by design, furthered the decline of the nuclear family; a media that has promoted any and all forms of deviancy and perversity as normal behavior; an educational system that has not only endorsed the same, but has willingly subverted excellence to mean teaching to the lowest common denominator so as to leave no child left behind; vast opportunistic governmental policies, laws, and regulations that have entrenched itself into every single aspect of it’s citizens lives; coupled with the societal hue and cry of multiculturalism, diversity, and Pcism which has allowed millions of unwanted, unneeded, and culturally caustic legal and illegal immigrants to invade without repercussion, my solidification of power was relatively simple and easy.

    During my inaugural address I had declared the Constitution outdated, designed by rich old white men, and racist. Thus, not being with the times it will have to be considered just an outline for governance. The Supreme Court, called that day into a special session, agreed then announced the Constitution a living document, filled with negative rights, and by necessity to be interpreted broadly by a 7 to 2 vote. The moment I took the Oath of Office I issued several Executive Orders. The first declaring Martial Law, followed by the right of Eminent Domain over all manufacturing production, water and travel ways, private lands, and agriculture. To top it off I officially and exclusively repealed any sort of Habeas Corpus. The public had no idea what it meant anyhow. Not that it really mattered. None of this was made public due to national security. I then immediately moved on to secure my stranglehold over the civil government. Using the 2011 NDAA I instructed the NSA, with it’s colossal power to collect and store any and all electronic communications to collect all dirt on members of the House, The Senate, and The Supreme Court. The corruption wasn’t a surprise, but the proverbial skeletons in the closet…what’s amazing is how they’ve been able to hide their wrongdoings from the public. Of course they did have some help from my predecessor, who did the same exact thing I did. I blackmailed them. Just about all of them. Naturally there were some who had clean lives, but they were definitely in the minority. Most of those didn’t need to be blackmailed as they were all too power hungry to go along with whatever I wanted. It’s wonderful what a handful of bacon wrapped shrimp and halfway decent Scotch will buy you. The rest were dealt with. Some had “accidents” some had trumped up charges filed, some got the message loud and clear and were allowed to retire, peacefully, out of country. The same process was repeated with prominent journalists, public celebrities/personalities, and the controllers of the hand full of media corporations. The FCC implemented “net neutrality.” Certain words considered hostile to the State could not be posted to the internet. Anywhere on the internet. Large sections suddenly disappeared due to technical glitches. To be certain, none of this was made public.

    The economic turmoil of 2016 had caused the dollar to collapse during the election year, as a campaign promise and economic recovery tactic I had espoused the donation of “free” Presidential smart phones for everyone. This I followed through on. Weeks after becoming President, the mailings began with an all out media blitz of great fanfare. The public accepted this gimmick as economically beneficial, soon everybody had a smart phone. Of course this did nothing for the economy, and of course this was not publicized. What was though, was the sudden rise of profiteers, speculators, and the wealthy taking advantage of the prevailing systems. I outlawed cash with the help of the Central Banks, all financial transactions were from then on to be done through smart phones. I enlisted my Congressional lackeys to pass and then, once again to great publicity, I signed the IRS Abolition Act. The public loved me for this. Under the IRSAA the IRS was rolled into the Department of Health and Human Services which in turn was placed under control of the Department of Homeland Security. Every single citizen, and non-citizen now receive an automatic weekly “free” stipend from the govt. Some more than others. Increased taxes have become automatically withdrawn from every single electronic action, which are gathered by the NSA, submitted to the HHS for medical approval, and turned over to the DHS for anti-state screening. On occasion a “domestic economic terrorist” is publicly denounced.

    The police, after years of accepting military hardware from the federal govt were nationalized without dissent after several well publicized outrages against minorities. It didn’t matter that the police were in the right. I gave a handful of well rehearsed speeches. The police needed federal supervision to correct their systematic racial prejudices. At that point I had a domestic force equal to the military. As a pay-off to the corporations that supported my presidential campaign all prisons were privatized and quickly expanded with provisions protecting their right against public disclosure concerning incarceration rates, conditions, and financials. In fact, they’ve been turned into forced labor camps. Nike, Apple, and GE will no longer have to go to Bangladesh for cheap labor. Broad powers of arrest and detention have been given to the DOJ. The DHS now says “If you see something, say something, get paid.” Those prisons will be filled shortly.

    From top to bottom the educational system has been nationalized. In practice it already had been, but I made it official. To be certain, the elites have opted out, as is their right. A new government approved curriculum has been declared emphasizing social issues; science, math, history, etc… has been strictly reformatted to fit governmental guidelines. Individualistic critical thought has been supplemented with communal consensus forming to ensue a fair outcome for all, except of course for the newly protected classes. All children are now considered property of the public educational system, run by the expanded Department of Education. “Give me a child when he’s 7 and he’s mine forever” is the new undeclared motto.

    All of this along with a massive bureaucratic issue of regulations designed to stifle not only free speech and public dissemination of information but, economic incentive and domestic and international travel, I have accomplished in my first year. It’s been a full court press that has left the public reeling. I fully expected there to be some sort of push back and even isolated pockets of open revolt. Those were all put down quickly, swift and sure with deadly force. The media, under orders did not give much attention to this with the exception of vague reports of “right wing racist terrorists.” The more publicized mass shootings, “racist” outrages, and riots have been fully orchestrated by the government.

    As of yet no visible draconian measures have been taken against the common man on the street. That’s coming. In the meantime, I’ve been making many public appearances reassuring the population that I am diligently working for them, trying my best to correct the failing economy, the country’s racial and social ills, and to mend the mistakes of the last several administrations. None of this is my fault. I’ve had no choice in the hard decisions that I’ve had to make. To my highly regulated and licensed detractors I have only one simple request. Please get to the back of the bus and let the adults drive. I won the election.

    This coming year is going to be a busy one for me. I plan on issuing an Universal Bill of Expanded Human Rights which will include such jewels as the right to housing and the right to a living wage, legalizing and promoting all drugs (maybe even issuing a ration), and purging the military of any officers whose orthodoxy in regards to my supremacy is in question. As long as the common man has his lazy boy, a six pack and a joint, and a government provided large screen TV, I don’t see any real resistance. Guns, you might ask? Pfttt. Keep on shooting, outlaws. Brass, lead and gunpowder, due to the Environmental Act of 2017 have been officially regulated as hazardous to the the growing environmental problem. I also look forward seven years from now when I begin my third term as your President, oh what glorious changes I will have wrought by then. Even better, when my third term is finished, and I will be about be begin my Constitutionally mandated and publicly celebrated life term, those children who have been in my educational system will not only have graduated, they will have been drafted into the reformed Inclusive Peoples Army of the United States, and from there the sky is the limit.

Forward! Progress! Unity! Equality! Prosperity!

Matt Remsing